I don’t think I ever addressed why I started this blog. I started the blog because I always had a problem finding joy in my life and I figured others might have the same problem. Anytime I would show joy on the outside someone would put me down or try to shame me for it. So I learned not to show joy to anyone.
You might think it was my parents who did this, but in actuality it was a number of people including; friends, family members and acquaintances that would do this to me. At the time I didn’t realize that they were hurting or negative and didn’t want anyone else to have the joy and happiness they so desperately wanted for themselves. I am sure we have all done it to someone at some point in our life. I always called this, “someone squashing my happiness and joy”.
I had joy during my 20’s but when reality set in my 30’s, slowly joy got further and further away from me. From 2009 to 2013 were some really rough years. Each year seemed to get worse and worse. 2009 was the year of Meltdowns, 2010 was the Year of Deaths, 2011 was the Year of Surgeries, 2012 was the Year of More Deaths, and 2013 was the Year of Even More Death and Craziness. So after 2 Meltdowns, 13 Deaths, 6 Surgeries, and Craziness, it was time to try something different. 2014 and 2015 were good, there was some residual Craziness carried over from 2013 but it got dealt with in 2014. But over all 2014 and 2015 were good years.
So here we are the start of 2016 and the second week of January and all of a sudden there are all these deaths again. What is going on? I am not just talking about the celebrities either. My friends mother dies and now my Uncle dies, and both all of a sudden.
It has been hard for me because my uncles death was similar to my fathers death back in 2010 both men were so kind, loving and happy. I will miss them both very much. It brings back a flood of memories. What is even harder is I didn’t get to be with my father during his death but I was there for my Uncle, as I wanted to be. Sadly I know neither of them wanted to die and both of them were roughly the same age.
I have been on a spiritual journey since 2014, so I feel I am getting better at handling death, yet I am still not perfect. Finding Joy after a loved one has died is very hard. The mourning must take place but joy can be found again sooner than you expect. So my journey to find joy will continue through the grieving process over the loss of my Uncle and in the process I will mourn for the loss of my father again.
The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again. Charles Dickens
We never taste a perfect joy; our happiest successes are mixed with sadness. Pierre Corneille
Joy’s smile is much closer to tears than laughter. Victor Hugo